We solemnly swear that we are up to no good...
Welcome to our private page for our best friends. We are so grateful that all of you are in our lives and we would love it if you could come to Oxford not just for the day of the wedding but also for a longer weekend (Thursday through Monday) to help us ring in our marriage!
Our plan is to put together "a weekend in the life of an Oxford student" so you can all enjoy the outrageous pleasures we had living in Oxford together. Get ready for rowing, punting, a Harry Potter tour, turtle races, crew dates, drinking, drinking and drinking some more.
We'd love it if you can all stay in the dorms with us and we will divide into "house teams" for a series of events.
Here is the info you need to know:
Who is Invited?
Parties are only as fun as the people who show up! Lucky for us our friends are the best in the world.
(We are keeping this weekend more intimate than the main event so our best friends can bond with each other.)
Amy and Kendall together defrauded thousands of dollars from the Parthenon Group through mentor wine, coffee and manicures. The two still spend time together although they wish they were still financially incentivized to do so.
One time in high school Annabelle was driving Kendall and she turned the wrong way onto a 4-lane one way road. She managed to turn but clipped another car's mirror and kept driving. Annie is invited with her boyfriend Alan who is an equally creative driver.
During their time at Oxford, Ben and Connor spent a month showing all of Europe just how much you could drink off five euros a day. Ben has spent the last three years asking Connor for law school advice and feels obligated to attend this event.
CJ triumphantly returns to Oxford after several bars refused to serve him as a 17-year-old on his first visit. Join him for a revenge-themed pub crawl.
One night in Oxford, Kendall and Coralie saw Connor standing outside doing nothing (clearly drunk). When they walked outside he shouted, "I need to save Ben" and ran. They haven't seen him since. Coralie is invited with Flo who she started dating in utero.
Daysha and Kendall got married in 2007 by the power vested in the Concord Academy Chameleon. Daysha is horrified and astonished that Kendall is marrying again and will be attending the wedding in protest.
One time Erica's hamster (which she thought was a boy) gave birth to baby hamsters. Erica offered Kendall one of them so they've been friends ever since.
Evan is Connor's fiercest rival. He has thrown down the gauntlet and challenged this nerd to a 1500m erg piece at his own wedding. Evan is 1-6 against Connor in fantasy football and choked in the finals this year.
Gerry spends his days trying to get his tubby cat into shape and his nights being coerced into giving him wet food. If you're still wondering why he's single, ask if he or Kevin Steel does a better Smeagol impression.
Grace is a beatiful, smart and politically connected woman - so Kendall immediately disliked and resolved to destroy her. Grace did the same. Finding they had much in common, the two soon fell in love. Grace has agreed to do a tiny dance solo at the wedding.
Hazel is not sure if she'll come to this wedding because she assumes Connor will just erg the entire time (she is right - see Evan Volpe). Hazel is invited to this wedding despite recommending Kendall read Discovery of Witches.
Jen's Mom is the best person on the planet. Connor wasn't sure about Kendall, but then she got Kathy Goldenberg's stamp of approval and now here we are. Kathy can't make it but we had already invited Jen and her fiance Alex.
Kendall and Jenna started the "Save Darfur" club at Concord Academy. Unfortunately, despite sending a few letters, they did not save Darfur. Jenna is invited with her boyfriend Michael, the king of making friends.
Johanna is a farmer and a dear friend of Kendall's from CA. She is a talented recorder-ist and will be serenading the bride and groom at their ceremony. Ask her who on Martha's Vineyard is not in love with her.
Katie once tried to kill Kendall on an ill-fated Concord Academy canoe trip. Kendall is still unclear why Katie was trying to pull a "Gone Girl" but she keeps Katie happy in case the murdery impulse returns. Katie is invited with her boyfriend Brett.
Keith is Kendall's best friend since preschool (even though they didn't speak until middle school). Keith is a super impressive almost doctor although he is better known as the United States' Most Beautiful Mermaid 2019™. Ask him to show you his hair flip.
Kendall felt secure in her relationship with Connor until she met Kevin Steel. His presence at the wedding makes her very anxious.
Called Tornado Trainer by Connor's college friends for the destruction he left in his wake, Kevin is proudly responsible for most of the dumbest moments in Connor's life. His wife, Meredith, joins Kendall in having serious regrets about certain life choices.
(Mostly) before Kendall started dating Connor, she and Lovisa would hang out at Iffley Gym admiring the Blues rowers. They had time to do this because they were benchwarmers on the volleyball team. Lovisa is invited with her boyfriend Dave.
Maia is Kendall's tall, worldly friend (she's Canadian). Kendall always stands next to her in photos so she doesn't look like the hulk. Maia hates when Kendall attacks her like in the photo above.
Melissa was always the hardest working person on the Peter's crew team, which made Kendall's hungover efforts look especially bad. Melissa is invited with her boyfriend Ben who, despite tricking Kendall, was not actually a teenage dad.
Mia is the most delightful lawyer in the world especially compared to Connor. She gets to wear a wig and argue all the time and we are hoping she'll come to the wedding in full costume. Mia is invited to the wedding with her boyfriend Bart who might be in MI5.
The Man from Zimbabwe made his grand entrance into the US job market at Polis. No one could pronounce his name but he said he could code and could talk in clicks so he got the job. He has beaten Connor at ping pong twice - both are his proudest memories.
Nita has two passions in life, baths and Harry Potter. You would think this would mean she and Kendall get along great, but you'd be wrong. As roommates their fights over who got to use the bathtub could be heard throughout Kenmore Square.
Kendall and Olivia are childhood acquaintances and adult friends. They were both in the gifted program, but Olivia dropped out of school at age 12 to dance. She is an amazing dancer (you'll see!) and she is now back in middle school learning how to read.
Rachel is Kendall's actual best friend since preschool (see Keith). As you can see, one time they dressed up as Willy Wonka and an Oompa Loompa and it was truly horrifying. Rachel has asked that Kendall stop showing everyone this photo.
The first time Razina and Kendall underage drank, Razina vomited for 24 hours. When her mom asked what was wrong, she said she got food poisoning from a grape. Razina is a terrible liar. Her boyfriend Dr. Richie is invited with her.
One time Rebecca traipsed across Columbia's campus in the middle of the night because Kendall left her phone at a frat (and was too drunk to go get it). Rebecca is a hero and a better roommate than Connor. Rebecca is invited with her boyfriend Bijan.
Sari is Kendall's cousin so she had to be invited with her boyfriend Jeff.
Stephanie met Kendall on the first day of middle school. Kendall kept asking her if she was a boarder and Stephanie called her out for being racist. Stephanie should not to be confused with Steve Lessard's alter ego.
Steve has never beaten Kendall at Settlers of Catan. He is decent at bananagrams although "not-the-minky-susan" is a made up word. Ask Steve to introduce you to his alter-ego, Stephanie Lee. Steve is invited with his girlfriend, Su.
Yaro met Connor at the St. Peter's dining hall and introduced himself by preemptively apologizing for what he might say or do while drunk. Connor met Yaro the night before at a bar. Yaro is invited with his wife Amy.
We anticipate asking everyone for a small amount to cover some food and activities. More information and a schedule of events to come once we have a headcount of attendees.
Teams & Points
Our plan is to hold a weekend-long house competition similar to the Hogwarts house system. The award will be epic and teams will be assigned closer to the event.
Ways to Earn Points
Harry Potter tour – best costumes, correctly answer trivia questions
Marathon club – for all who show up
Union debate – winning team, best questions
Kendall/Connor trivia on oxford pubs tour
1 point for every time you penny someone
Win at darts in the college bar
Win at ping pong
Win at snooker
Win turtle race
1 point for every video of you shaking your fist and yelling “scum” at teddy hall
Random discretion of Connor and Kendall (like the Hogwarts Professors)
Ways to Lose Points
Random discretion of Kendall and Connor (like the Hogwarts Professors)